Für alle des englischen Mächtigen (aus craigslist.com):
Dear Motorcycle Sellers,
I'm in the market to purchase a used motorcycle. I've been reading your ads on Craigslist, Ebay, and Cycletrader. I am over 50 years old, I have been riding motorcycles for about 25 years, and - while I don't pretend to be an absolute expert on every make, model, and option - I do have access to the common research tools that one could consult in the modern world if they wanted information regarding the options and resale values of motorcycles.
Moreover, I have money with which to buy a motorcycle. I might be able to buy your motorcycle for cash.
I am not "thinking about" buying a motorcycle. I am not "just looking". I am a willing buyer. You should want me to be checking out your bike.
Let me comment first on your fucked up classified ads. When you say "No test rides", "No joy riders", or "Test rides will cost you $XXXX" (where $XXXX = your outrageous asking price) I immediately stop looking at your ad.
Why in the world would I spend many thousands of dollars on a bike that I can't ride? I should just take your word for it that it runs smooth as silk at highway speeds? I think not. In my mind "No test rides" translates immediately to "I don't want to sell you this bike."
When you write "No tire kickers" that translates to "Not only do I not want to sell you my bike, I don't even want you to come look at it." To those of you who write these things, thanks for making my decision a little easier by immediately eliminating your bikes from consideration.
Among the remaining contenders for my money, many of you have listed asking prices in your ads that are far in excess of any reasonable valuation of your motorcycle.
Your asking prices average about 20% over the full retail value for your bike listed by Nada and Kelly Blue Book.
As those references state, the retail value is what one should expect A DEALER would ask for the bike, although the selling price would likely be lower. This price is higher than a private party price since the dealer is expected to have re-conditioned the bike and performed all necessary maintenance and safety checks on the bike.
You are NOT a dealer. I will not assume that you have performed all necessary maintenance on the bike, and if you have I won't assume that you have done it correctly. You should not even be asking full retail price let alone 20% over that price.
When I make you an offer that is between the full retail price and the trade-in value, that is NOT a "low-ball" offer, and I am insulted by that characterization. That is a reasonable offer that only feels low to you since you are asking a fantasy price that will only be paid by someone who is entirely ignorant of the value of the bike.
The fact that you state you have had some maintenance performed (and list how much you paid for that maintenance) just prior to putting it up for sale does NOT raise the intrinsic value of the bike. The price guides presume the bike has been maintained properly when computing the resale value.
So...O.K....you're allowed to ask what you want and maybe you'll get some sucker to pay that price if they fall in love with the bike. If your bike looks like one I might like I am still willing to take a look and potentially start the negotiation process with you.
In these cases, as you know, I have contacted you by email and politely expressed my interest in your bike, and my desire to set an appointment at a time of your convenience over the weekend. I have asked you at the same time to please send the address of the location of the bike so I can plan my trip to see it.
Can you please explain why you never want to send me the address and a meeting time? Instead you want to talk by phone as if you are some dainty young girl afraid to meet a blind date. You have all of my contact information in my email including my job title, my office phone number, my return email address (of course), and my web page address. You could check me out in any number of ways to determine some idea of my potential for buying your bike.
But instead you email me back and want me to call you, while refraining from answering any of my questions which would lead directly to my seeing and potentially buying your bike. What the fuck is that? I don't particularly want to chit-chat, but I call you back anyway as you've requested, and without fail I get your voicemail. Of course I leave a message identifying myself and again requesting that you send me the address and appointment time via email so that I can look up the address on mapquest and print out directions.
Christ, I am trying to make this fucking easy...and you are just making it more difficult for me to buy the bike you have for sale.
Of course, you then return my call while I am in a meeting and decide to leave a voice message stating 1) that any time over the weekend is OK, 2) the greater region the bike is in, and 3) that I should call you back to get the address.
When I don't call for several days you finally get the picture that I'm not playing your hard-to-get game any more so you leave the address on the voice mail. Of course, I then have to listen to your message three times to transcribe your address from the message instead of just cutting and pasting into Mapquest, but at least you finally coughed it up. NOTE: This no-address, phone tag scenario has happened twice nearly identically. What is the purpose of this?
So the moment finally arrives when I am driving to your address 45 miles from my home. When I arrive we approach the bike and I can't help but notice the extensive damage to the left side of the bike (or the big oil stain on the ground under the bike) that you failed to mention in your ad.
You don't think obvious damage might be an important element to include in your description? You don't think hemorrhaging oil hints that some maintenance might need to be done to the bike?
And you still have the balls to ask 20% OVER the full retail price for this piece of shit? Are you fucking kidding me?
Low-ball offer?!! How about I offer you a kick in your low balls?
You strung me along over email, then dragged me an hour's drive away to see a bike that you totally misrepresented? You slimy little bitch.
Winter's coming, and your kids need Christmas presents and your mortgage needs to be paid. When you are ready to negotiate fairly I'll be here...put out a fair ad with a fair asking price and we'll talk.
Until then enjoy your depreciating asset in the garage.
